Surprise to nobody, but life has changed a lot in the last few months. At times I'm overwhelmed with the burden of what life is handing us. During other moments I get a glimpse that we're still just a "normal" family.
Here's a few things that I've noticed.
- The realization of what we're going through still hasn't faded. It's like those first ten minutes of a car accident. "Did that really just happen to me?!?" It plays over and over and over. What are we going to do? Is he going to be ok? He's not eating enough. I wonder how sick he's feeling. What's this week's schedule? What's next week's schedule?
- The power of community is unbelievable. The food you've provided. The financial burden you've relieved. The love and support we feel. We're unable to express our gratitude and we are forever grateful. This has made me more giving. I hope I'm able to pour out just a smidgen of what you all have given us.
- People continue to want to help and my go-to (and honest and earnest) line has been, "You know...the stuff we need help with that hasn't been covered is the stuff that you cannot do. You can't be there for a 3 year old that wakes up with his tummy hurting. You can't console a six year old who isn't getting the attention she wants from mommy and daddy. You can't take this worry and fear and uncertainty out of our lives."
- My wife is incredible. This hasn't been easy on the two of us but I feel that we were placed in each other's lives knowing exactly what we both needed. Her incredible patience, her ability to speak at their level, and her servant-heart to Leah and Isaac and James sears confidence and love deep into souls. I love her to the moon and back.
- We value and are in awe of the power of prayer. There's times that I can't really put my finger on it yet I know we're being blanketed by an army. We received texts last night of little cousins consistently starting their nightly prayers asking to pray for Isaac. We receive texts daily from people lifting us up including one saint that I don't believe has missed a day. We cherish those thoughts and pleadings and we know that there's so many of you who don't want to encroach on our space and our pouring your souls out for our son. Thank you.
- Abba Father. This is a name I've latched onto through this journey. I haven't jumped full boar into understanding it and I'm okay with that. I'll take it slowly and allow God to continue to reveal himself. I have learned that Christ used this term in Gethsemane asking for his death to be taken away. For God to spare him from this pain. It feels intimate. It feels broken. It swells from a place of submission and defiance. We are going through this pain despite our desires.
- Isaac is a beast. It's not fair to Isaac to say that all children are this tough, and it's not fair to all the children we see on the 3rd floor of Randall Children's Hospital to not mention them in this conversation. This world is broken and my soul weeps for it.
- It feels like we're taking Isaac's happiness from him. We see these glimpses of this genuine and scallywag of a kid but he's not himself so much of the time. But he perseveres and we lift him up in the ways we can. We try not to spoil him but if there's a time in his life he deserves new Disney Classic Series books or awesome new Duplo's and Lego's on a weekly basis it's certainly now, right?
- I'm continually reminded of the miracle done for us. That we found this cancer so early has given us so much hope. I still am scared of the future and what happens if this whole chemo plan doesn't work. There are moments when I know that God will protect us from it. And, honestly, moments where I worry the worse is yet to come. But I'll hold onto that original thread. We found this sucker early. The surgeon was able to pull the tumor completely. And we have access to treatments that nobody in all of history has had.
God has pulled us into His arms. We will continue to walk day by day in this journey. 5 more months. I would ask you all to be praying for Isaac's appetite and an acceptance on his part for the day that the nasogastric tube has to come. For patience and energy for all of us. For protection from all the germs. And I beg of you to pray against this cancer ever coming back.
Comments
Post a Comment